Subscribe to our Rss Feed

Sometimes when you know.. you know



Filed under : blog, My Life, pictures, poker

Here we are back at Borgata in Atlantic City. After 3 years I STILL get butterflies rumbling around in my tummy seeing the “Welcome to Borgata” sign. Man, I love this place! I can think of so many perks that this hotel and casino has to offer when others on the tournament trail completely fall short. My next few blogs will be going over the many reasons why, but for now let’s get caught up with everything going on, shall we?

Today kicked off the beginning of the Borgata Poker Open with 22 events awarding a beautiful trophy and bragging rights of being champion in a prestigious poker tournament. With my eye on the prize (as well as 849 other players) I wanted to take this first one down. $72k for 1st place for a $350 buyin is a very nice payday if you ask me. Did I mention how cool the freakin trophy is?? Anyway, in my head I knew I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to get there and yet I played anyway. Have to keep going when you’re on a heater, right? Yes things are going quite well for me in poker and I’ve really worked hard on my game. Taking 12th in Borgata’s Labor Day tournament ( still disappointed I didn’t final table) showed that I’m itching to get my first big win under my belt and get that dang monkey off my back once and for all! Only a tiny voice in my head kept saying I should take it easy and focus on a different day to take one down. All I could hear was I can’t do this, not today. But I refused to listen knowing full well what the outcome would be. Why, you might ask, am I hearing this voice? Well, I did say that these blogs were going to get a bit personal, and again against my better judgement, I’ll open up and let it out.
*warning it gets a bit sad *
9 years ago, on September 9th 2000, someone I loved with all my heart committed suicide and left my world shattered in an unbelievable mess. I was left broken and lost and honestly didn’t know how I was going to go on with my life. I was a junior at the University of Arizona coming back from a study abroad in Paris. Life up until that point was starting to look promising. I was having problems with my live in boyfriend of 2 years and believed that breaking up with him was the right thing to do to become a happier and more independent woman. Being 21, I thought I knew everything and didn’t know that one simple decision would change my life forever.
I need to stop as it’s still painful to rehash everything that happened and I really want to finish this blog instead of delete it like I usually end up doing. The urge to delete this post is so overwhelming, but I promised I would be open, didn’t I? Furthermore only a handful of people know how horrible this story went and the after math that I had to go through.
Fast forward 9 years later to 9-9-09 and I’m amazed at where my life has taken me. Holy crap I f’n made it!!! The past few days leading up to today I kept telling myself that I’m over everything. Hell, it’s been almost a decade! Yet the more I kept telling myself not to think about it, the more it would be there in my mind. All day today I tried to dismiss the thought of what happened and my eyes would well up with tears forcing me to blink them away quickly before anyone noticed. I would try and say it’s just because of the sequence of numbers that it’s so hard to forget. If anyone knows me, they know I have a bit of OCD when it comes to numbers especially sequences of 3’s. Only this excuse fell flat as I’m sure if it had happened on any day, as with my older sister’s, I would never be able to let it go and forget. My good friend Roland even sent me words of wisdom after I told him I couldn’t push it out of my head: “If you tell yourself it’s nothing it will pop up. Accept it for what it is, acknowledge that thoughts can’t hurt you, and get on with your day.” Too bad I didn’t apply it until after I busted from the tournament.
This morning I opened my eyes and the first thing I saw were the roses Paul sent to me and the flickering candle (the one with the light bulb that resembles a flame) that The Water Club sets out for turn down service. What a beautiful way to wake up! I took a deep breath and absorbed all the love I could and let it surround my heart. My first thought was: See, nothing is wrong today! Man, I’m a stubborn one.
I finished getting ready and headed to the event center to take my seat. Walking up to my table I notice it’s all the way to the back/ middle of the room and turned the opposite direction of all the other tables. I ask the dealer what’s up with our table and he replies it’s where the final tables for the next day would play out. I joke and say, Damn I should have been more specific when I visualized playing at the final table. At this point I began to slowly slip.

Sitting down the painful memories began and were brushed away just as fast as they appeared. For the first few hands we played four handed and everyone was very jovial and talkative. Soon after the rest of the table began to fill the people who came to play made it be known. After having a few of my raises called by weak hands and winning I felt my tilt factor rising. Being the first level and blinds only at 25/ 50 I got up and decided I need to take a break now or I’d be out before the second level. This ended up being the best thing for me as my friend Al on media row went with me and let me vent to him about what was going on. After a while I felt better and returned to my table in the 2nd level. I ended up chipping all the way up to 24k in the 3rd and was feeling great. WooT!
(photo credit: Allen Rash)

Alas it was short lived as I started to get upset at a few things going on at my table. A woman who was a dealer at the Taj came up to her husband in the 9 seat and began massaging him and speaking in a different language. When I asked that she be told to step away I ended up making an enemy with the man playing. He was pissed, which in turn made things more difficult at the table for me. Playing in the 4th level I was involved in a hand where the 7 seat won and was celebrating and laughing with the nine seat about doubling up off me. He continued to laugh for the next three hands and I had to just sit there and stew. Bring on the melt down.
I knew I was on tilt yet didn’t even care. Paul sent me BBMs saying to get off the table and he would call me to calm me down. Lately I’ve been so great about not going on tilt, but today, was just not my day to mess with me. Instead of getting up to take the call I decide to get it all in on the flop with an open ended straight draw and back door flush draw w/ J10clubs on the button against kings. Like they always say, when you’re on tilt you never get there, and I was sent packing to the rail. I shrug it off and head back to my room.

I must say staying at The Water Club is just about the best thing after busting from a tournament. Not only is the room beautiful, but the view is breathtaking! Thinking everything is fine I become entranced by what was going on outside. I sat down by the window and watched the boats out in the marina and the waves making their way to shore. Right then the tears came. This time I let them out as no one was around to see and I was finally alone. I cried for a few minutes took a few deep breaths and let it go. Taking my friends advice from earlier I acknowledged all my thoughts I had pushed away and decided to get on with my day.

Pulling it together I washed my face and joined Ray Stefanelli (my boss and very cool guy), Brian (another very cool guy who works at Borgata/Water Club) and Chuck Darrow ( a writer for the Philadelphia Daily News) at Forneletto. This Italian restaurant is one of the newest additions to the amazing line up of places to eat at Borgata. I highly recommend dining here. Make sure to save room for dessert! I renamed the chocolate dish with Nutella: Chocolate Love. lol. It’s my new favorite. To wrap things up, the food was amazing as well as the company and all my sad thoughts were finally gone and my usual big smile was back where it belongs.

**I must apologize as I did not want to make this blog sad and yet two in a row… eek! I promise my next blog will be light and funny. Until then, I wish you all the best of luck. And don’t worry, I’m back and ready for action with plenty more opportunities to make my first big win!
G’ night everybody.
xoxo
Lacey

12 Responses to “Sometimes when you know.. you know”

  1. SirFWALGMan says:

    Nice post. Keep writing what you want to. Even if you delete it. :P. Obviously it must help somehow to get it out on virtual paper.

  2. spaghetti0625 says:

    Great post Lacey! I feel if you get your feelings down, like you just did without deleting, can help ease the situation a bit. It's like talking about it, gets a little weight off your shoulders.
    Don't worry about that guys 'after' you, as you stated when you asked the dealer to have the person removed from the area. From what I understand, people shouldn't be standing there anyways, since it's for tourney players only.
    Keep your head up! I just read this first blog and I will finish reading some more.
    Are you playing the ladies event? I'll be down there Saturday. I'll stop by and say hello!

  3. Lacey Jones says:

    Thank you Sirwalfgman and Spaghetti. I'll be playing the ladies event on Saturday for sure. Make sure to say hello. 🙂

  4. Bri aka Valder says:

    There is nothing wrong with sad thoughts my friend. They happen to us all and sometimes you just have to give yourself to them or they will overwhelm you. It's kind of why i cannot sleep, especially in the month of March. I love that you are being so brave as to be more open in your blogs, and I just want you to know that you alays have an ear or a shoulder with no attachments. After th last 5 yrs or so I'm sure you know that already, lol. On a geek-aside, yeah, the Borgata is great, love the place, especially around August when they have a truly great Airshow…. 😉
    Break a leg on saturday!!!

  5. ac_pokerchik says:

    Keep fighting Lacey! That was a really well-written post. I saw you in the survivor last night…how did you do? I busted out and went and played sit-n-gos. I'll be back for the ladies tourney tomorrow!

  6. Frymdog says:

    Golden post. Keep pushing and you'll get there (no pun intended). The harder and longer it takes to win, the sweeter the victory. You're due for a big win. By the way, have you ever played at Foxwoods?

  7. RichieGlanzer says:

    I just found this blog. I actually met you when I worked for cardplayer in the 2006 WSOP and you were always very friendly. I read your last couple of blogs and I really cant believe that someone like you would have "haters." But please dont give them power to affect your day.

    You should definitely write what you want to write, but I'd love to see some poker hands included. What is your best finish or the most money you won in a tourney?

  8. michele says:

    hey sweetie, sorry we didn't get a chance to speak. i just saw your fb post. call me when you can.
    xoxo

  9. spaghetti0625 says:

    Sorry I didn't get the chance to say hello. I couldn't find you then after dinner I did. I got steamrolled after dinner and left. I will be back friday for the week. What events wil u be playing or blogging? I will be sure to come say hello! Congrats on your cashing in the ladies event! Controversial event but was fun!

  10. Ming says:

    Your Swindoll quote reminded me of something I've always found interesting: The Chinese character for "Crisis" is a combination of the two characters meaning "Danger" and "Opportunity". Something good to remember during trying times.

  11. Paul Pierson says:

    I saw you at the Main Event at the Borgata Open this weekend. I play a lot of poker (almost exclusively cash games) but wasn't familiar with who you are. I was afraid that you might just be another attractive flash in the pan poker model/spokesperson. I googled Absolute Poker and women and there you were. It's nice to see from your blogs and tweets that you seem to be as kind-hearted a person as you are pretty (the pictures online and modelling shots don't do your natural beauty justice). I was touched by your blog about your experiences of the past. A lot of people don't realize that poker players have outside lives that effect their game also. Thanks for sharing and the best of luck in Aruba. I am sure that your breakthrough win will come sooner rather than later. See you next time you are at the Borgata.

  12. ppierson says:

    I saw you at the Main Event at the Borgata Open this weekend. I play a lot of poker (almost exclusively cash games) but wasn't familiar with who you are. I was afraid that you might just be another attractive flash in the pan poker model/spokesperson. I googled Absolute Poker and women and there you were. It's nice to see from your blogs and tweets that you seem to be as kind-hearted a person as you are pretty (the pictures online and modelling shots don't do your natural beauty justice). I was touched by your blog about your experiences of the past. A lot of people don't realize that poker players have outside lives that effect their game also. Thanks for sharing and the best of luck in Aruba. I am sure that your breakthrough win will come sooner rather than later. See you next time you are at the Borgata.

Leave a reply